I feel my agitation with everything escalating lately. I woke up in a good mood, but it quickly went downhill from there as my son systematically tried to mess up every single room in the house. Between his awful whine when anything is even slightly frustrating to being followed around so close I could trip if I lost a step... to just constant shrieking and fighting between the two of them... to having to decide whether I should follow them around picking up toys, or let my house become a known disaster area... or even just trying to keep THEM clean (I think tattoos are in Lucien's future, as he feels coloring all over himself in marker is the best way to spend his "color time")... and then there's Brenda, with her rapid-fire questions to which she already KNOWS the answer... I feel like if I hear the word "momma" one more time today my head will explode.. I put him in bed and asked Brenda as nicely as I possibly could muster at this moment to be very quiet, so instead of her constant out-loud monologue to herself she's doing a whisper. I feel like smashing my own brains in to get some peace and quiet lately. I am guessing it's because I am with them from the time I wake up until pretty much the time I go to bed every day all day long without having had a break from them or even like a nap (as Luke has decided he doesn't want to sleep alone and Brenda thinks naps are for babies) or shower (well, not as true, I had a shower all by myself yesterday and it was like heaven... but usually, I have at least one if not both of them with me) without them in, I'm going to say... pretty much MONTHS. I'm not even allowed to close the door when I go pee, or Luke yells outside and tries to open the door until I'm done. I need a break. Seriously, health insurance should pay for mothers of young children to get a babysitter. For mental health reasons. And it seems the longer it goes without me getting a break, the more they won't listen to a word I say unless I yell. I haven't been the best mom ever lately, and I feel a bit guilty about it, but my GOD I need someone else to take over for a little while. Please??? (Yeah, not likely.)
I know it sounds ridiculous coming from someone who doesn't have a job, but I need a vacation. Bad.
Aaaaaand, since the bank thinks it's fun to keep telling us they'll be done and then not being done when they say they'll be, we're still in the hole of an apartment when we should be in our nice new house. Which I'm sure isn't helping my aggravation.
I need a drink and a Valium lately, but I guess I could settle for laying in bed for a whole day without anything needing to be done by me. And no one yelling "mommy" at me, either.
Also not likely.
End rant.
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2 comments:
Don't you ever say you don't have a job. You have the hardest job there is to have. I wish there was a way I could help you get the break you need. I really worry about you.
You deserve a vacation more than any wage slave does. Seriously.
All I can do is send virtual hugs and love--I wish I could do more.
Jen
What she said. Taking care of kids is just as exhausting (and often more so) than every other job (plus you don't get the commute to settle your brain...AND people get to LEAVE the office everyday). I think staying home with the kids is the best job ever, but it's also the HARDEST and most underappreciated (followed closely by teacher or any other non medical child oriented career).
If you lived closer, I'd come pick up both of those kids, bring them back to my house and they could all color on each other. Lobster and B could keep themselves occupied asking each other "what's that, what's that, what's that" and maybe between the two of them they could figure out that they DO know the answer. I would have to call out the national guard to protect us all from L and Marvey...maybe put them in a bubble?
Lots of virtual hugs.
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